Saturday, March 29, 2008

10 Years

Today is a hard day for me. I'm not really sure how to start this post so here it goes. You see today, Saturday March 29th, marks 10 years since my sister has passed away. I’m not sure why but I feel the need to write about her, must be a form of therapy I need. 10 years….how did that happen? I remember the day she passed away. I remember coming home from working at the grocery story, I came downstairs where my parents were and I knew right away something was wrong. I spent the next week and months in a state of fog. I remember searching for answers on how to make all the pain go away, how to not feel sad and sometimes how to bring her back.

In the 10 years since she has passed the pain has not gone away, its subsided greatly, but its still there. I think of her every single day. Most days I am sad that she was never at my wedding, at least in body. She never got to meet my husband who she would have loved. They would have disagreed on almost everything and Trevor would have made it his mission to convert her to his ways ;-) but I know they would have been great friends. Mostly, I’m sad that she will never meet my children. She will never hear their sweet voices call her Aunt Cari and that breaks my heart. I only hope I can tell them great stories about their Aunt, about what an amazing person she was and all the fun memories I have of her.

Like the time she took me out driving before I had my permit. (Hmm, I’m not sure my parents know this story.) She took me out in her Honda Accord to a dirt road to try and “teach” me how to drive a stick shift. I remember laughing more then learning and its one of my favorite memories of her.

I remember being able to spend the night in her dorm room when I was just 14. I thought staying in that dorm room was one of the coolest things I could ever do.

I remember countless times being drug out of her room, usually by my feet, while desperately trying to grab on to something with my hands to keep me in her room. I never won and we were usually reprimanded by one of our parents yelling form upstairs for us to BE QUIET. Those nights when our parents had gone to bed were spent doing each other’s hair, watching girl movies and talking about cute guys like Kirk Cameron or any of the New Kids on the Block. They were great nights and they have left me with great memories.

I remember her trying to convince my parents to let her take me to a New Kids on the Block concert in Minneapolis. They of course said no but they did order it for us on Pay-Per-View. It was almost as good as being there. (That's Donnie Whalberg in the picture...we were die-hard fans)

In the 10 years since she has passed I have been able to help out 2 friends caught in the same sad place in life. I had lots of people reach out a lending hand when she passed and being able to do that in return has been great therapy. To be able to tell people that it does get better, that the pain does lessen and that life does go on is so beneficial to me. One of the hardest things to deal with as time goes on is remembering what life was like with her around. Sometimes I get scared that I won’t remember her voice or what its like to have her in the same room. Maybe that’s why I needed to write this, to bring back more of those memories.

So today I remember you Cari and I thank GOD for the time we had together on this Earth. I pray that you have found peace in heaven and that someday we will meet again. I also pray that I may keep our memories close to my heart and never ever forget them. May God Bless you Always. I love you so much and I miss you every single day.

A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life. ~Isadora James


  1. What a lovely thing to write. Thanks for sharing your tough day...and years. Hugs on the sad anniversary.

  2. Amy, that was beautiful. You made me cry. I'm sure she's watching your little guys and loving every minute of it.